480+ Funny Motivational Messages to Make You Laugh & Stay Inspired

I’m not lazy, I’m on permanent energy-saving mode.

My bed and I are in a serious relationship, and my alarm clock is the third wheel.

I run on coffee, chaos, and the hope that today will be easier than yesterday.

Adulting is just Googling how to do things and pretending you knew all along.

My diet plan is going great, said no one ever after a birthday cake.

I don’t need a hero, I just need my phone charger and a snack.

Some people count sheep to fall asleep, I count all the things I forgot to do today.

My motivation left the chat, but my deadlines are still very much online.

I’ve started ten new habits this year, and my couch is proud of every single one I dropped.

Life is short, but my to-do list somehow keeps growing.

I am one good night’s sleep away from becoming a functional adult.

My inner peace comes and goes depending on how much sugar I’ve had.

I don’t procrastinate, I give my future self more exciting challenges.

Every morning I wake up and choose chaos, mostly because my alarm is unreasonable.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right and the universe is wrong.

My patience has an expiration date, and it expired somewhere around breakfast.

Some days you eat the salad, other days the salad eats your dignity.

I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice.

My life goals are simple, snacks, sleep, and occasionally winning at something.

I’m not indecisive, I just enjoy weighing every possible bad outcome equally.

My biggest workout today was jumping to conclusions.

I follow my dreams, but they walk faster than me.

My bank account and my ambition are not currently on speaking terms.

I’m allergic to mornings, but somehow I keep getting exposed to them daily.

My plants died because I forgot they needed more than good intentions.

I’ve mastered the art of looking busy while doing absolutely nothing productive.

My New Year resolutions and I broke up sometime around January fourth.

Common sense is like deodorant, the people who need it most never use it.

I’m not clumsy, the floor just really likes my company.

My phone battery lasts longer than my patience most days.

I was going to conquer the world today, but then my coffee got cold.

My superpower is turning five minute tasks into three hour adventures.

I don’t need therapy, I just need someone to laugh at my terrible decisions with me.

Growing up is mandatory, but acting like it is completely optional.

My savings account has more ambition than actual savings.

I’ve never met a snack I couldn’t finish before finishing a chore.

My brain has two settings, overthinking everything or forgetting everything.

I’m not late, I’m on my own personal time zone.

Some people chase their dreams, I chase my alarm snooze button.

My willpower is strong, right up until the vending machine notices me.

I’m proof that you can survive on caffeine and stubbornness alone.

My future self is going to thank me, or possibly send an angry letter.

I don’t skip leg day, I skip the whole gym and call it strategy.

My optimism is strong until my phone shows me my calendar.

I gave up trying to be perfect, now I aim for barely functional.

My motivation shows up right after the deadline has already passed.

I’ve decided today is the day, tomorrow I’ll decide it again.

My inner circle is small, mostly my dog and my snack drawer.

I don’t need luck, I need my keys, which I currently cannot find.

My relationship with exercise is complicated, mostly because I avoid it entirely.

I’m not stressed, I’m just extremely aware of everything at once.

My favorite exercise is jumping to conclusions and running from responsibility.

Life gave me lemons, so I’m currently looking for the tequila.

My road to success has several detours, mostly through the snack aisle.

I planned to be productive today, but my couch made a better offer.

My confidence is high, my organizational skills are still in development.

I don’t fear failure, I fear running out of snacks halfway through the day.

My comfort zone has excellent wifi, so I rarely leave it.

I’m one strong coffee away from being a reasonable human being.

My motivation runs on a strict schedule of never showing up on time.

I don’t need a gym membership, I need my remote control to be heavier.

My idea of cardio is running late for everything all day long.

I survived today, which honestly feels like an Olympic achievement.

My budget says no, but my heart says buy the snacks anyway.

I don’t believe in bad days, just days that need more chocolate.

My patience level depends entirely on how loud my stomach is growling.

I gave up counting calories, now I just count my blessings and my snacks.

My biggest accomplishment today was not falling asleep during a meeting.

I don’t need a pep talk, I need someone to hide the cookies from me.

My phone knows more about my schedule than I ever will.

I run my life like a group project, mostly waiting for someone else to do it.

My motivation is like wifi, strong in some rooms and completely gone in others.

I’ve officially decided that adulting is a scam nobody warned me about.

My inner voice is loud, mostly reminding me to snack more often.

I don’t need a life coach, I need someone to find my missing sock.

My biggest fear is running out of coffee before running out of problems.

I’m not procrastinating, I’m doing important research on my ceiling fan.

My dreams are big, my nap schedule is bigger.

I’ve learned that patience is a virtue I clearly skipped in the checkout line.

My motivation and my alarm clock have never once agreed on anything.

I don’t need self control, I need the snacks to stop looking so good.

My best decisions happen right after my worst ones fail spectacularly.

I’m training for a marathon, mostly of Netflix episodes.

My goals are ambitious, my alarm clock is not cooperating with them.

I don’t chase perfection, I chase the last slice of pizza.

My life is one long negotiation between ambition and my couch.

I’ve accepted that my house will never look like the magazines, and I’m okay with that.

My inner strength shows up mostly when there’s dessert involved.

I don’t need a five year plan, I need a five minute nap.

My idea of self care is ignoring emails and eating snacks in peace.

I’ve discovered that motivation is temporary, but stubbornness is forever.

My biggest life hack is pretending I have my life together in public.

I don’t need luck today, I need my phone charger to actually work.

My comfort food and my comfort zone are basically best friends now.

I’ve realized growth happens outside your comfort zone, which is exactly why I stay inside it.

My inner critic is loud, but my inner snacker is louder.

I don’t need validation, I need someone to agree the couch is more comfortable than the gym.

My relationship with my calendar is mostly denial and last minute panic.

I’ve decided today is a good day to do absolutely the minimum required.

My motivation peaks right after I finish the thing I was avoiding.

I don’t need a sign from the universe, I need my keys and my sanity back.

My biggest strength is convincing myself tomorrow will be more productive.

I’ve mastered the skill of nodding along while thinking about lunch.

My dreams are valid, my execution needs serious improvement.

I don’t need a reminder, I need my brain to actually cooperate for once.

My favorite form of self improvement is buying a planner I never open.

I’ve learned that willpower is strongest right before the vending machine.

My life motto is fake it until the coffee kicks in.

I don’t need a therapist, I need someone to explain why I bought that.

My inner peace is directly proportional to my snack supply.

I’ve stopped setting alarms, my anxiety wakes me up early enough anyway.

My biggest achievement this week was replying to a text within the hour.

I don’t need a mantra, I need my socks to stop disappearing.

My motivation is a myth I tell myself every Sunday night.

I’ve realized my potential is unlimited, my energy for it is not.

My idea of balance is one good decision followed by three questionable ones.

I don’t need a vision board, I need my fridge to stop tempting me.

My relationship with productivity is complicated, but we’re working on it.

I’ve decided that surviving Monday counts as a personal victory.

My brain works fine until it clocks in, then it takes a permanent vacation.

I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.

My inbox has more unread emails than I have willpower to open them.

Monday is proof that the weekend was never real to begin with.

I don’t hate Mondays, I just have strong feelings about them.

My coffee mug says boss, my energy level says intern.

I work hard so my snacks can afford a better lifestyle.

My meeting could have been an email, and everyone in the room knows it.

I don’t need a raise, I need my chair to be more comfortable.

My productivity peaks exactly at five, right when it’s time to leave.

I’m not slow at work, I’m just extremely thorough about avoiding it.

My office plant has survived longer than my motivation this week.

I don’t need a pep talk before Monday, I need a time machine.

My computer crashed, and honestly, I understand exactly how it feels.

I show up to work every day, mostly out of habit and health insurance.

My job title says manager, my energy says please send help.

I don’t take sick days, I take strategic mental health investments.

My keyboard has seen things it should never have had to witness.

I run on deadlines, caffeine, and the faint hope of a snack break.

My desk is a disaster, but somehow I always know where the snacks are.

I don’t need a promotion, I need this meeting to actually end on time.

My work ethic is strong, right up until lunch is mentioned.

I’ve survived every Monday so far, which is a perfect record I intend to keep.

My email signature says have a great day, my inbox disagrees completely.

I don’t need coffee, I need this printer to stop hating me personally.

My boss thinks I’m busy, my browser tabs say otherwise.

I clock in with hope and clock out with regret and snacks.

My office chair squeaks louder than my motivation for this project.

I don’t need team building, I need this Wi-Fi to work properly.

My calendar says busy, my brain says nap immediately.

I show up ready to work, and then the coffee machine breaks.

My commute takes longer than my actual attention span at meetings.

I don’t need overtime, I need this Monday to reconsider its life choices.

My lunch break is the only meeting I never miss.

I work efficiently, mostly by finishing snacks before finishing tasks.

My spreadsheet has more errors than my weekend plans.

I don’t need a bonus, I need my chair to stop making that sound.

My inbox zero dream died somewhere around three hundred unread emails ago.

I show up on time, mostly because the coffee shop opens then too.

My productivity app tracks everything except my will to keep going.

I don’t need a corner office, I need this Zoom call to end early.

My deadline is tomorrow, my motivation arrived yesterday and left immediately.

I clock out at five, my brain clocks out somewhere around noon.

My office snacks disappear faster than my enthusiasm for spreadsheets.

I don’t need a raise, I need my Monday alarm clock arrested.

My job description never mentioned surviving this many meetings a week.

I show up ready to conquer the world, then remember it’s only nine.

My work laptop has more patience for me than I have for it.

I don’t need a vacation, I need this printer jam to end my suffering.

My coworkers think I have it together, my desk says otherwise entirely.

I run every meeting on caffeine and the hope it ends soon.

My work ethic shows up strong right around the last hour of the day.

I don’t need a mentor, I need this coffee to work faster.

My calendar invites multiply faster than my ability to attend them.

I show up early to avoid traffic, then spend the extra time napping in my car.

My boss asked for my best work, my snacks demanded equal attention first.

I don’t need a bigger paycheck, I need this Monday feeling to leave.

My office has a strict no crying policy, so I laugh instead.

I clock in every morning hoping today’s the day the copier finally cooperates.

My work bag is heavier with snacks than actual work documents.

I don’t need feedback, I need this deadline to move itself further away.

My meeting notes are mostly doodles and reminders to buy snacks.

I show up every Monday like it’s a personal challenge I refuse to lose.

My inbox is full, my patience is empty, my coffee is somewhere in between.

I don’t need a title change, I need my chair to stop squeaking loudly.

My focus lasts exactly until someone mentions free food in the break room.

I show up on time and leave exactly on time, no exceptions negotiable.

My work stress melts away the second I remember it’s almost Friday.

I don’t need a performance review, I need this meeting to stop rescheduling.

My desk plant judges me every time I skip my afternoon walk.

I show up to work every day and somehow that alone feels heroic.

My motivation for Monday is entirely dependent on how good the coffee is.

I don’t need a raise, I need my emails to stop multiplying overnight.

My lunch break is short, my daydreaming during it is limitless.

I show up with a plan every day, my inbox has other ideas.

My best ideas happen five minutes before I have to leave for the day.

I don’t need applause, I just need this Monday meeting to be brief.

My work uniform is basically business on top, comfort below the desk.

I show up ready to work hard, then the coffee machine reminds me who’s in charge.

My calendar reminders are the only thing keeping this whole operation running.

I don’t need a bonus, I need this Monday to apologize for existing.

My office snacks are the real reason I show up before nine every day.

I show up to every meeting hoping someone else volunteers to speak first.

My productivity graph looks less like a rocket and more like a rollercoaster.

I don’t need a raise, I need Monday to skip me entirely this week.

My office chair has heard more complaints than my actual manager has.

I show up early some days, mostly to claim the good parking spot.

My deadline pressure only kicks in the exact hour before it is due.

I don’t need a corner office, I need this coffee machine fixed immediately.

My work bag carries snacks, chargers, and cautiously optimistic energy.

I show up to work Monday like I’m training for a very slow marathon.

My inbox notification sound has become my most feared alarm.

I don’t need a meeting recap, I need my chair to lean back further.

My office energy runs entirely on coffee, snacks, and quiet desperation.

I show up ready to work, and the Wi-Fi immediately disagrees with that plan.

My weekend plans start forming the second Monday’s first meeting begins.

I don’t need a promotion, I need this stapler to stop jamming forever.

My work desk collects coffee cups faster than actual finished tasks.

I show up on time, my motivation shows up whenever it feels like it.

My best work happens right after I’ve eaten and complained for a bit.

I don’t need overtime, I need this Monday morning traffic to disappear.

My calendar looks packed, my actual willingness to attend does not match.

I show up to Monday like a soldier reporting for an unfair assignment.

My work laptop battery drains faster than my patience during meetings.

I don’t need a raise, I need this office thermostat set correctly for once.

Dream big, nap bigger.

Hustle now, snack later.

Coffee first, world second.

Fake it till the coffee kicks in.

Snooze the alarm, not the dream.

Grind hard, nap harder.

Stay weird, stay winning.

Chase goals, not excuses.

Rise, shine, complain, repeat.

Keep calm and snack on.

Progress beats naps, barely.

Excuses are officially retired.

Motivation loading, please wait.

Small steps, big snacks.

Bad days build good stories.

Laugh loud, work louder.

Confidence is my caffeine.

Winning starts after coffee.

Nap first, conquer second.

Excuses expired yesterday, sorry.

Coffee is my love language.

Adulting level, still loading.

Snacks fuel my empire.

Monday, we meet again reluctantly.

Goals loud, energy low.

Hustle hard, blink slowly.

I run on stubbornness alone.

Chaos is my cardio.

Success smells like coffee.

Naps are productive, fight me.

Sleep now, hustle tomorrow.

My comeback is loading slowly.

Bring snacks, we’ll manage.

Doubt less, snack more.

Effort in, snacks out.

Coffee cures most Mondays.

I nap, therefore I am.

Big dreams, bigger snack breaks.

Progress happens after lunch usually.

Motivation is temporary, snacks aren’t.

Keep going, snacks are near.

Grit beats a good mood.

Bold moves, softer pillows.

Vibes strong, planning weak.

Ambition loading, patience optional.

Nap therapy, works every time.

Excuses closed for business.

I run on hope and snacks.

Slow progress beats no progress.

Naps recharge the whole plan.

Confidence, coffee, chaos, repeat.

Small wins still count double.

Stay stubborn, stay standing.

I peaked at snack time.

Dream loud, whisper the excuses.

Coffee is my morning coach.

Hard days deserve softer snacks.

Grind quietly, snack loudly.

Rise slow, shine anyway.

Motivation is my snooze button’s enemy.

Effort today, snacks always.

Bad mood, good snacks, balance.

Chin up, coffee ready.

I nap like a champion.

Ambition strong, bed stronger.

One step, one snack, repeat.

Hustle quietly, snack proudly.

Progress over perfection, always.

I run purely on willpower.

Snacks are my secret motivation.

Confidence loading since breakfast.

Naps solve most problems here.

Excuses don’t pay the bills.

Stubborn today, unstoppable eventually.

Coffee, snacks, ambition, repeat again.

I chase goals, slowly, honestly.

Bold today, exhausted tomorrow.

Small goals, giant snacks.

Grind mode, snack mode, balance.

Rise up, refill coffee first.

Effort counts, naps count too.

Motivation naps, stubbornness doesn’t.

I show up, mostly for snacks.

Progress with snacks included always.

Confidence high, bed calling louder.

Dreams big, snooze bigger.

Hustle soft, dream loud.

Coffee fixes most Mondays here.

Naps are self care, officially.

I chase snacks and dreams equally.

Bold plans, gentle naps.

Success starts after breakfast usually.

Grit plus coffee equals unstoppable.

Snacks keep the dream alive.

I run slow, but I run.

Confidence today, questions tomorrow.

Effort strong, patience thinner.

Small wins, snack sized celebrations.

Motivation who, coffee knows better.

Rise anyway, coffee first though.

Progress happens, slowly and loudly.

You’ve got this, and if not, I’ll bring snacks and pretend you did.

I believe in you the same way I believe in finding parking easily, mostly hopeful.

You’re stronger than you think, and slightly more stubborn, which helps too.

I’m cheering for you loudly, mostly from the couch, but the energy is real.

You’ve survived every hard day so far, that’s a perfect record worth trusting.

I’d fight a bear for you, or at least send an encouraging text about it.

You’re doing great, and if today feels rough, ice cream is always an option.

I’m proud of you, and slightly jealous of how well you’re handling this.

You’ve got the strength of ten people and the snack cravings of twenty.

Keep going, you’re closer than you think, and I’ll bring coffee to prove it.

You’re not behind, you’re just taking the scenic and slightly chaotic route.

I’ve got your back, and enough snacks to help you through this too.

You handle stress better than my houseplants handle basic care, and that’s impressive.

You’re a whole vibe today, mostly tired but still absolutely unstoppable.

I believe in you more than I believe my alarm clock will ever be reasonable.

You’ve got this, unless it’s Monday, in which case coffee first, victory second.

You’re doing better than you think, and your snack choices remain excellent too.

I’m rooting for you louder than I root for free shipping, and that’s saying something.

You’re built different, mostly out of caffeine, willpower, and a little bit of stubbornness.

Keep pushing, you’re one good nap away from figuring the whole thing out.

You’ve got more strength in you than I have patience during traffic, and that’s a lot.

I’m proud of you, even on the days you just survived without any drama.

You’re not lazy, you’re just efficiently conserving energy for the important stuff later.

You handle chaos better than I handle a broken coffee maker, truly impressive skill.

I believe in you, and I also believe in bringing snacks to celebrate whatever happens.

You’ve got the resilience of a phone battery that somehow still works after years.

Keep going, you’re doing amazing, mostly, occasionally, and that still fully counts.

You’re stronger than my Wi-Fi signal on a bad day, and that’s genuine praise.

I’m cheering you on from here, with snacks ready for whatever the outcome is.

You’ve got this handled better than I handle Mondays, which honestly isn’t hard.

You’re doing great, and if you need backup, I bring snacks and mild chaos.

I believe in you the way I believe leftovers taste better the next day, fully.

You’ve survived worse days than this, and looked good doing it too somehow.

Keep at it, you’re closer to done than my laundry pile ever will be.

You’re a warrior today, mostly tired, but a warrior with excellent snack instincts.

I’m proud of you for showing up, even in mismatched socks and questionable decisions.

You’ve got this, and if not, we’ll figure it out together with snacks nearby.

You handle pressure better than my patience handles a slow internet connection.

I believe in you louder than I believe my plants will survive this month.

You’re doing better than you realize, and your coffee choices remain top tier.

Keep going, you’re one deep breath away from handling this like a total pro.

You’ve got the strength of someone who survives Mondays without complaining too much.

I’m rooting for you, mostly from a comfortable distance with snacks ready.

You’re not failing, you’re just collecting really good material for future stories.

You handle stress with more grace than I handle a broken phone screen.

I believe in you the way I believe pizza fixes most bad days, completely.

You’ve got this, and even if you don’t, we’ll laugh about it eventually.

Keep pushing forward, you’re stronger than my willpower around dessert, and that’s rare.

You’re a whole highlight reel today, mostly tired, but still absolutely worth celebrating.

I’m proud of you, especially on the days that felt harder than they looked.

You’ve got the resilience of someone who keeps trying despite the odds daily.

You handle life better than my houseplants handle direct sunlight, truly impressive.

I believe in you more than I believe traffic will ever move quickly.

You’re doing amazing, and your snack timing remains genuinely impressive throughout the day.

Keep going, you’re closer to your goal than my inbox is to zero.

You’ve got this, unless the coffee runs out, in which case send backup immediately.

You handle setbacks better than my phone handles low battery warnings, honestly.

I’m cheering for you, snacks in hand, ready for the celebration either way.

You’re not behind schedule, you’re just running on your own reasonable timeline.

Keep at it, you’re stronger than my resolve around a fresh batch of cookies.

You’ve got the courage of someone who answers unknown calls without hesitation.

I believe in you, and I also believe snacks make everything slightly easier.

You’re doing great, mostly tired, mostly caffeinated, but still fully unstoppable today.

Keep going, you’re one good laugh away from handling this whole thing fine.

You’ve got this, and if you don’t, I’ve got extra snacks and encouragement.

You handle chaos better than my calendar handles unexpected meetings, truly a skill.

I’m proud of you for trying, even when trying looked mostly like napping.

You’re stronger than the last slice of pizza’s pull on my willpower.

Keep pushing, you’re closer to figuring this out than you think you are.

You’ve got the strength of someone who survives family group chats daily.

I believe in you the way I believe snacks improve every single situation.

You’re doing better than you think, and I have snacks ready to prove it.

Keep going, you’re one small win away from a genuinely great day today.

You’ve got this handled, and if not, we handle it together with snacks.

You handle pressure better than my patience handles a slow moving grocery line.

I’m rooting for you today, and every day, snacks permanently included in that support.

You’re not stuck, you’re just gathering strength for the next big move forward.

Keep at it, you’re stronger than my resolve during any late night snack craving.

You’ve got the resilience of someone who keeps showing up no matter what.

I believe in you more than I believe this diet will start on Monday.

You’re doing amazing, mostly tired, occasionally chaotic, but genuinely and fully amazing today.

Keep going, you’re closer to done than you feel, and snacks are nearby.

You’ve got this, and if you need me, I’ll be here with snacks ready.

You handle life’s curveballs better than my hands handle catching anything thrown fast.

I’m proud of you, especially for showing up on the days that felt impossible.

You’re stronger than my will to skip dessert, and that is genuinely high praise.

Keep pushing, you’re one deep breath and a snack away from feeling better.

You’ve got the courage of someone who tries again after a rough morning.

I believe in you, and in the healing power of a well timed snack.

You’re doing great, mostly running on caffeine, but great is still great today.

Keep going, you’re closer to your goal than my closet is to organized.

You’ve got this, unless today is just a survive and snack kind of day.

You handle setbacks with more grace than my patience handles a dead phone battery.

I’m cheering you on, mostly quietly, but the support is very, very real.

You’re not behind, you’re just building your success one snack break at a time.

Keep at it, you’re stronger than my motivation on a rainy Monday morning.

You’ve got the strength of someone who answers texts even when exhausted, respect.

I believe in you, and in the fact that snacks fix ninety percent of problems.

You’re doing better than you think, coffee in hand, chaos slightly under control.

Keep going, you’re one small step closer than you were yesterday, and that counts.

You’ve got this, and if not, we’ll laugh about it over snacks together later.

You handle chaos better than my remote control handles a dying battery, truly impressive.

I’m proud of you for showing up today, tired socks and all, honestly.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. Lily Tomlin

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Charles Lamb

The brain is a wonderful organ, it starts working the moment you get up and does not stop until you get into the office. Robert Frost

I find television very educational, every time someone turns it on I go into the other room and read a book. Groucho Marx

People often say that motivation doesn’t last, well, neither does bathing, that’s why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar

Consider the postage stamp, its usefulness lies in the ability to stick to one thing until it gets there. Josh Billings

Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist. Pablo Picasso

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. Will Rogers

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Mark Twain

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. Oscar Wilde

Age is an issue of mind over matter, if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Mark Twain

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. Unknown

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. Steven Wright

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. A.A. Milne

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished. Leslie Nielsen

If you think your boss is stupid, remember, you wouldn’t have a job if he were any smarter. John Gotti

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin

I’m writing a book, I’ve got the page numbers done. Steven Wright

Never miss a good chance to shut up. Will Rogers

When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package. John Ruskin

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. Anthony Burgess

Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know. Daniel J. Boorstin

The best time to start studying was last month, the second best time is after one more episode. Unknown

I am not lazy, I am on energy saving mode. Unknown

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg

I intend to live forever, so far so good. Steven Wright

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well, I have others. Groucho Marx

I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Douglas Adams

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse. Thomas Szasz

I’ve been on a calendar, but I’ve never been on time. Marilyn Monroe

The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished. Groucho Marx

If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough. Phyllis Diller

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it. Mae West

It’s always too early to quit. Norman Vincent Peale

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. Lucille Ball

A day without laughter is a day wasted. Charlie Chaplin

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. John Lennon

I love being married, it’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. Bryan White

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance. Edgar Bergen

Do or do not, there is no try. Yoda

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. Isaac Asimov

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. Michael Scott

Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud. Maya Angelou

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. Jules Renard

I don’t want any yes men around me, I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job. Samuel Goldwyn

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. Albert Einstein

Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe. Mark Twain

Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do. Voltaire

If you can’t convince them, confuse them. Harry S Truman

It’s not so important who starts the game but who finishes it. John Wooden

Celebrate your successes, find some humor in your failures. Sam Walton

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Franklin Roosevelt

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin

There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. Bill Watterson

Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out. John Wooden

There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. Roger Staubach

I am an optimist, it does not seem too much use being anything else. Winston Churchill

You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will. Stephen King